I know I have been leaving a lot of time in between these posts describing the early days of Leightyns life. They are a lot of typing for one and it is hard to honestly go back to that place in my mind. There was so much going on I have to really think about what I was thinking and feeling at that time. It breaks my heart to say this but a lot of it was honestly such a blur, I wish I remembered every detail, but I honestly cannot.
The last post left off with me finally getting to hold my precious girl! We were moved to a much smaller post-partum room and I was able to watch the nurse give Leightyn her 1st bath right at my bedside. Once that was through they took her to the nursery to do some of the other necessary new baby stuff. She was gone for four hours but it seemed like an eternity. In that time I was able to scarf down two Turkey sandwich dinners. At least the nurse got a laugh in! After I finished the first meal she asked "do you felt better now that I had ate" and I said "well, NO I am still hungry", so she brought me in a second meal, I was definitely still eating like a pregnant lady, such a hard habit to break! Once they brought Leightyn back I was finally able to try breastfeeding. I had decided before having her I wanted to do it and was even more sure that was the right thing once we found out about her possible heart condition. Leightyn was having trouble maintaining her body temperature so we did a lot of kangaroo care, it felt good to be close to my baby again. Her nurse was very sweet and told me not to worry, she didn't hear a heart murmur or see some of the physical features typically found in children with Down Syndrome. She assured me many babies have all the physical features and end up not having DS, but also said she had saw some babies who had no obvious features who did. I liked that, encouraging but still honest! When they took Leightyn the next morning to draw blood for the testing her stats were dropping and they were having trouble getting enough blood so they moved her into the NICU and out of my arms reach. This was so hard, I wanted so bad to have my baby at my side, to hear her every noise and cry, to feed her on demand. I secretly hated the other Moms who did not keep their baby at their bedsides. How could someone voluntarily send their new baby to the nursery so they could rest when all I wanted was mine at my side even if it meant I never slept again. Now that I think of it I also hated the ones who kept their babies in their rooms near me, each time I heard a cry it was a reminder my baby was in another part of the hospital without her Mommy close by. A couple friends stopped by to visit and I didn't know what to say at the time, it could take weeks to get any official results back, so I said nothing about our concerns of Down Syndrome and only that the nurses had taken her to NICU and they were just monitoring her for now b/c of a possible heart problem. I think that was the hardest part really, knowing the "unknown", and waiting for them to tell me what deep down I already knew and had accepted. The first day I had them wheel me back and forth to the NICU as often as possible and would have moved right in down there if they would have let me, of course they wouldn't! I was able to continue trying to breastfeed so I made sure I was down there every 3 hours so we could keep trying. They told me it would be harder for Leightyn to do if she did have Down Syndrome but would help in the future with speech and oral motor development. I was determined to make it work and everyone was getting on me since I was practically getting no rest at all. Now we just had to wait for her test results to come back and for a cardiologist to come from the Children's Hospital the next day to look at her heart. More to come tomorrow! The pictures are of us holding her for the first time!
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